Judges was a sobering reminder of how easily God can be taken for granted.
Although I found myself wondering how in the world God's children kept falling back into rebellion over and over again after deliverance from God, I had to remember that each generation had to learn their own lesson.
It's easy to fall into the trap of, "God will forgive me", and it's true. God WILL forgive me, if my heart is truly repentant. However, it's not about that. It's not about me, its about responding to a love that I will never come close to understanding this side of heaven.
It's about surrendering to the One who loves me so much that He allows Himself to be taken for granted over and over again.
It's about learning to love others with the same loyal, faithful and unfailing love that I have been shown.
"God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." (Romans 5:5)
Oh, I just love that verse. Every time I read it I imagine God physically (and tenderly) sprinkling His love into my heart.
Pour it to the rim please! In fact...I think I'll have seconds!
So, the trek is finally over.
I've been a Christian for a over 20 years and this was the first time I've read the entire journey of the Israelites from start to finish. Starting before they were delivered from slavery in Egypt until the moment they stepped foot into the promised land.
I began reading my bible because I was searching. I wanted to understand more about God's love.
I've heard it taught for years:
"God IS love!"
"God loves us so much!
"God promises this, and God promises that."
"He'll deliver you!"
But I just wasn't feeling it. Oh, I believed it. But feel it? Not so much.
Most days I felt like a disappointment, falling short of what He called me to be. "He loves me no matter what?"
We live in a world of conditional love. Our love is selfish, "what can they do for me?" It's based on feelings, hormones and past experiences.
Even though I've been taught (and have read scripture to confirm these truths) that His love is unconditional it's still sometimes hard to swallow.
I believed it with my mind.
But, being only familiar with worldly love, I just couldn't feel it with my heart.
It can be a difficult thing to align your heart with your mind.
So began my journey. I started at the beginning, the Old Testemant. I figured I'd have to drudge my way through --marching ahead with my eyes locked on the New Testament...bring on Jesus!! Jesus IS love!!!
But what God has taught me about Himself and His love through these first six books in my bible has knocked my socks off!! (in the wise words of my great friend JD)
In watching Him respond to the Israelites, He's displayed a love that truly IS unconditional.
Finally! I could relate to this love! The Israelites, they were JUST LIKE ME! They've behaved, in so many ways, the way I do!
They were selfish - I tend to think about what's best for me.
They doubted - Yup, got TONS of doubts.
They rebelled - I don't like anyone telling me what to do!
They complained - I like things to go a certain my...my way.
I'm sure I could go one, but I've pretty much convinced myself that I got it covered. I'm just like 'em.
So...I waited for God to cast them away. To turn His mighty back on them! Forget about them. Move on to "better people", people that will appreciate what He does for them.
People that will be, do, serve, love, exactly the way He wants them to. But is there such thing?
We ALL fall short.
When they complained, God gave them exactly what they wanted (remember the quail story? one of my favs) until they were sick of it!
Whey they doubted, God reminded them that it was HIS battle and encouraged them to have faith!
When they rebelled, He corrected them.
When they were captive - HE delivered them through mighty miracles.
What an A-HA moment! I feel so blessed to have found out the secret to why He loves us! Finally! The "reason" I've been searching for!
There is no reason.
It's really not as complicated as I try to make it.
I finally understand that He loves me because He has decided to.
...and certainly not because of anything I do or do not do.
He loves me because that's just who He is and no matter what I do, say, think, hear, or see - I can't escape His Love.
Nor do I want to.
Joshua 4-13
More miracles! God parted the Jordan and His people (once again) walked on dry ground! Honestly, it's hard to believe that they are going to turn away from God again. It's just a matter of when.
As I was reading this passage, I'm embarrassed to admit that I wasn't exactly cheering for the Israelites. I was fist pumping God, excited that He showed his power again but I couldn't help but think, "They don't deserve all that God has done for them."
Wow. Self-righteous much?
But really, I couldn't help but think about how much God has done for the Israelites. I mean, He did A LOT! And it's not just what He's done for them, but how many times He's forgiven them!
And Moses has already prophesied that they are going to turn their backs on God again! "Why, those ungrateful, disobedient, sandal wearing, cloud following...."
Then the light bulb flickered.
How have I been any different? How many times have I expected God to give me HIS best, when I was so unwilling to give him MY best?
It's caused me to change the way I look at obedience. It's made me want to please God.
Even though I know that God knows my heart inside and out...there are times when I don't. I know my salvation is not about acts but I kind of like having a "tangible" way to show God that I love Him back.
Boy, it's real easy to see the faults in others, eh? Maybe I ought to take the plank out of my eye next time I look in the mirror.
Numbers 21
"There's nothing to eat here, and nothing to drink and we hate this wretched manna!" (21:5)
"I'm so bored. I have NOTHING to wear. There's nothing to eat or drink around here. I always have to be home earlier then my friends. I hate my room, it's so small!"
The first quote was from the Israelites in a passage I read this week.
The second quote? My teenage daughter, earlier that same day.
I couldn't help but notice they are eerily the same. I curiously read on to the next few verses, wondering how God was going to respond...."Come on God, give me some good parenting wisdom here. Gimme something good. I'm all ears."
Apparently, He sends poisonous snakes....
*silence*
"OK. Reading on...."
...and many were bitten and died.
"Well, then..."
I did read on to find that, once again loving His children with an unfailing love, He extends grace to them by giving them way out. A loop hole.
He does not take away the punishment, (even though they begged Moses to pray for snake removal) - He just tells them instead to "look up". "Look up at the pole and you will recover from the bite."
He didn't take away the snakes. He didn't even stop them from getting bit. They still suffered the punishment - but they were rescued from death.
One more very important thing I noticed was that God only extended grace after they repented. After they admitted that they had sinned against God by speaking against Him.
So, now I only have one thing left to figure out...
..where can I get a snake?
I joke.
A little.
...don't judge me until you've had a teen.
Leviticus 1-8
Leviticus. Even the name makes me yawn. I opened my bible this morning as though it was my first day working in a lawyer's office and I had to dissect an out-of-date legal document.
Remembering my journey with Exodus, however, I kept an open mind.
I began reading....
Yup. My initial opinion was pretty much correct. The book opens with a description (a VERY detailed description) of many different sacrifices. Burnt offerings, peace offerings, grain offerings, offerings of worship, offings of guilt....
Each offering was accompanied by a very specific ceremony - although very similar to the previous one. Then, if that wasn't enough, because everyone had a different financial situation, it goes on to explain what to do if your sacrifice is a bull, or if it's only a goat, or just a bird - which again...was usually quite similar.
Then, hold on to your hat! There's a review of it all....yay! I get to read it again.
Ouch.
Throughout the tediousness of these chapters, though, one verse kept ringing out.
"It was very pleasing to the Lord."
- Leviticus 1:17
As awful as it would have been to gain access and maintain fellowship with God through sacrifice...at least they had a tangible way to know they were restoring their fellowship with God and being forgiven.
As humans I think we have a natural tendency to feel like we have "to do" something in order "to get" something.
And, I guess we kind of do. Every new sin, even an unintentional one, demanded that another animal be slain. When an animal's life was given to pay the penalty of sin, the guilty person was cleansed. By placing their hands on the head of the animal (which is what they had to do), the worshippers identified with it. They clearly saw that the animal was dying for their sin as a substitute.
That made sense to me. But why couldn't God just forgive them if they asked? He's God - he can do anything he wants. I forgive people all the time, I don't make them kill something for me. (I might make them buy me lunch though...) I mean, He can see our heart. He knows if we are sincere.
So why can't He forgive us just simply because we ask?
I found the answer in my "Quest" bible, NIV version. There was a footnote that said,
"A just and holy God does not ignore sin, it has grave consequences. However, God mercifully allowed a substitute to take the place of the sinner. The substitute could suffer the consequences of sin, so the sinner would not have to die."
"God required such a gruesome payment because He did not want people to ignore the seriousness of sin. Anything less than blood would have devalued forgiveness in the eyes of the people."
"When a person heard the cries of an innocent lamb, saw it's blood spilled on the alter and smelled the smoke of it's burning flesh, he or she would be struck with a sobering thought: I deserved to die for my sin; that sheep died in my place."
Once again, as I devour a "boring ol' testament book", I'm awakened to the truth and goodness of the gospel in the New Testament - when Jesus comes!
God made it very clear that Jesus came to be to be the final sacrifice. We don't have "to do" anything but accept His gift, His innocent lamb.
I'm finishing the book of Exodus a different person then when I began.
Before, Exodus was the book that would bring to a screeching halt, my New Year's resolution to "read my entire bible in a year". It was the book that went on and on and on about the same ol' thing. It was a book of a far away God that seemed nothing like the Jesus I knew.
It was book that didn't apply to me.
In my quest to "journal through my bible" in hopes of finding out more about God and why He loves me so much (instead of taking everyone's word for it) I knew I must trudge through Exodus, reminding myself that it's at least better than Leviticus and Numbers. *Sigh* I can't wait to get to the good stuff. Bring on the Psalms. Bring on the New Testament.
What surprised me was that Exodus had transformed before my very eyes into a book filled with comfort, advise, encouragement and most of all it gave me what I am craving most - a glimpse of God.
Exodus changed me. I've been a Christian since I was 12 years old (I'm now 30 something) and I've always tried sooo hard to please God so He'll love me more, or worse, feeling at the end of the day like I did nothing but disappoint him and made Him love me less. I knew that wasn't true, at least I've been told that many times - through people, books...songs. But I didn't get it. You know? It just didn't click.
Exodus was a light switch. Seeing the way God responded to His people (that often reminded me of...me) made me realize that God loved them so, so much, just because. He never gave up on them, never turned His back. God loved them. God loves us. God. loves. me. Light switch *click*
He desperately wants me to love Him back. He desperately wants to bless me, He wants to be my friend - He's passionate about me!!!
BUT - He's still God. And because He's God, He can not let sin go unpunished and THAT is why He made a way out for us. That's why He sent Jesus.
...and I'm soooooo glad He did because I really don't know if I could have offered animal sacrifices on a regular basis! Yuck! Ew! Thank God, I don't have to find out!!
Exodus isn't a boring ol' Testament book with a sole purpose of giving us rules and making us thankful we don't have to partake in animal sacrifice.
It's a building block, a link, to the New Testament, the Gospel -God's perfect plan of Salvation and I can't wait to read it again.
Exodus 31 - 40
These closing chapters taught me even more about God's character and His relationship to me.
First, in Chapter 31 - I love how He talks about the gifts He's given people. It says, "I have...given him great wisdom and skill in all kinds of crafts." (vs 3) and "I have given special skill to all naturally talented craftsmen."
Can you imagine being able to give someone a skill? I've been pretty excited to give people gifts, to the point that I can hardly wait for them to open them! Especially when I make a homemade gift. But really, we're talking scrapbooks and hand wash from Bath and Body Works, here. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to point at someone and say..."I hear by give you the gift to sing songs like angels!" Bam! What power!!
I just think it's awesome, and it shows how big God is. He has a plan and He created and gifted everyone of us in a certain way to carry out His plan. I just think that is so cool.
Another thing about God. He changes His mind. Moses asked Him to change His mind about His plans and God did! (32:12-14) Good to know.
Later in that same chapter, He gets the Levites to kill those who "didn't go on the Lord's side." What the heck? Must say, having a hard time with that one. I don't understand why God would do that. I know He wants us to love Him above all else but I've always understood that there will be a time and place for judgement. And making brother kill brother? Father turn against son? Ugh. Three thousand were killed that day. I know I may never understand why, I just have to trust that God had a reason.
And really, when it comes right down it - He's God, and I'm not. He doesn't have to explain anything to me. That's where faith comes in, and trusting that God never gives us second best.
Ok, this next verse is so funny to me. I'm sure it wasn't funny to God, but it shows me a side of Him that sounds just like a parent.
"...but I will not travel along with you. If I did, I would be tempted to destroy you along the way."
- Exodus 33:3
Ha! Actually, I quite enjoy travelling with my kids but I have had the "pleasure" of travelling with other families and I quite understand God's frustration with them. I'm sure he feels the same way with His children today...and with me.
He was faithful with them time and time again. They complained, doubted, sinned and even made a new "god" to worship! ...and yet He still wanted to keep His promise - to give them this wonderful land - flowing with milk and honey.
He just couldn't bring Himself to travel along with them, or He might kill them! Totally understandable.
A few other verses that gave me more "peaks" into God's heart and how He feels about me.
33:14 - "I will personally go with you, I will give give you rest - everything will be fine for you."
33:17 - "....you are my friend."
34:14 - "for He is a God who is passionate about His relationship with you."
I always knew God loved me but it really feels awesome to hear Him say, "you are my friend and I am passionate about you."
Not only that but He has the power to "give me rest and make everything fine!"
Now THAT'S a good friend to have!!
Exodus 14-15
"Don't be afraid! Just stand where you are and let the Lord rescue you." - Ex 14:13 (Moses talking to the Israelites as Pharaoh's chariots are approaching)
Love it!! Why am I always convinced that God is going to turn away from me or give me the "silent" treatment because I do something wrong, complain or doubt Him?
Look at the Israelites!! They were the "journeymen" of complainers and doubters!! If you want to learn how to complain properly (if there is such a thing...and if it doesn't just come naturally to you as it does me...), just read the book of Exodus! They are like a bunch of teenagers! (Trust me, I live with one...I know!)
...and yet time and time again, God was faithful to them.
When I am I going to get it through my head that God loves me not because of something I've done or haven't done....but because of who He is? He CAN'T not love me!
No. matter. what.
After He parted the Red Sea for a convenient escape, the Israelites sang a celebratory song proclaiming who He was and what He did. (Chapter 15)
I always used to pass by these parts of my bible, I have no idea why. Now, I always use them to make lists. I love making lists.
When I begin to doubt that God can and will come through for me, I need to renew my mind with the truths from their song:
The Lord is:
- My victory
- My strength and my song
- A warrior
- Glorious in power
- Great and majestic
- Glorious and holy
- Awesome in splendor
- Unfailing love.
His actions:
- He has triumphed gloriously
- He has thrown horse and rider into the sea
- He has thrown Pharaoh's chariots and armies into the sea
- He dashed the enemy to pieces
- He overthrew those who rose against Him
- His anger flashed forth and consumed enemies like fire
- At the blast of His breath, waters piled up.
- He performs wonders
- He raised His hand and the earth swallowed our enemies
- He leads and guides His people
- He silences enemies, He melts them with fear and terror - dread overcomes them
- He plants His people on His mountain, to the place where His holiness dwells
THIS is who HE is and what HE does for His complaining, doubtful, and ungrateful children!
What kind of love is this?? Certainly one that I want to receive more of.
...and give more of.
