...the end of book six.

So, the trek is finally over. 

I've been a Christian for a over 20 years and this was the first time I've read the entire journey of the Israelites from start to finish.  Starting before they were delivered from slavery in Egypt until the moment they stepped foot into the promised land. 

I began reading my bible because I was searching.  I wanted to understand more about God's love. 

I've heard it taught for years: 

"God IS love!"
"God loves us so much!
"God promises this, and God promises that."
"He'll deliver you!"

But I just wasn't feeling it.  Oh, I believed it.  But feel it?  Not so much.  

Most days I felt like a disappointment, falling short of what He called me to be.  "He loves me no matter what?"  

We live in a world of conditional love.  Our love is selfish, "what can they do for me?"  It's based on feelings, hormones and past experiences.  

Even though I've been taught (and have read scripture to confirm these truths) that His love is unconditional it's still sometimes hard to swallow.     

I believed it with my mind. 

But, being only familiar with worldly love, I just couldn't feel it with my heart.

It can be a difficult thing to align your heart with your mind.

So began my journey.  I started at the beginning, the Old Testemant.  I figured I'd have to drudge my way through --marching ahead with my eyes locked on the New Testament...bring on Jesus!!  Jesus IS love!!!    

But what God has taught me about Himself and His love through these first six books in my bible has knocked my socks off!!  (in the wise words of my great friend JD)

In watching Him respond to the Israelites, He's displayed a love that truly IS unconditional.

Finally!  I could relate to this love!  The Israelites, they were  JUST LIKE ME!  They've behaved, in so many ways, the way I do! 

They were selfish - I tend to think about what's best for me.
They doubted -  Yup, got TONS of doubts.
They rebelled - I don't like anyone telling me what to do!
They complained - I like things to go a certain my...my way.

I'm sure I could go one, but I've pretty much convinced myself that I got it covered.  I'm just like 'em. 

So...I waited for God to cast them away.  To turn His mighty back on them!  Forget about them.  Move on to "better people", people that will appreciate what He does for them. 

People that will be, do, serve, love, exactly the way He wants them to.  But is there such thing? 

We ALL fall short. 

When they complained, God gave them exactly what they wanted (remember the quail story? one of my favs) until they were sick of it!

Whey they doubted, God reminded them that it was HIS battle and encouraged them to have faith!

When they rebelled, He corrected them.   

When they were captive - HE delivered them through mighty miracles.

What an A-HA moment!  I feel so blessed to have found out the secret to why He loves us!  Finally!  The "reason" I've been searching for!

There is no reason.

It's really not as complicated as I try to make it.

I finally understand that He loves me because He has decided to. 

...and certainly not because of anything I do or do not do. 

He loves me because that's just who He is and no matter what I do, say, think, hear, or see - I can't escape His Love.

Nor do I want to.

A little advice.....

Numbers 21

"There's nothing to eat here, and nothing to drink and we hate this wretched manna!"  (21:5)

"I'm so bored.  I have NOTHING to wear.  There's nothing to eat or drink around here.  I always have to be home earlier then my friends.  I hate my room, it's so small!"  

The first quote was from the Israelites in a passage I read this week.

The second quote?  My teenage daughter, earlier that same day.  

I couldn't help but notice they are eerily the same.  I curiously read on to the next few verses, wondering how God was going to respond...."Come on God, give me some good parenting wisdom here.  Gimme something good.  I'm all ears."  

Apparently, He sends poisonous snakes....

*silence*

"OK.  Reading on...."

...and many were bitten and died.

"Well, then..." 

I did read on to find that, once again loving His children with an unfailing love, He extends grace to them by giving them way out.  A loop hole.  

He does not take away the punishment, (even though they begged Moses to pray for snake removal) - He just tells them instead to "look up".  "Look up at the pole and you will recover from the bite."

He didn't take away the snakes.  He didn't even stop them from getting bit.  They still suffered the punishment - but they were rescued from death.

One more very important thing I noticed was that God only extended grace after they repented.  After they admitted that they had sinned against God by speaking against Him.

So, now I only have one thing left to figure out...

..where can I get a snake?

I joke. 
A little.

...don't judge me until you've had a teen.

Grasshoppers vs. Giants

Numbers 13-16

Whoa!  God is MAD!  Moses sends twelve guys to go and check out the land God is giving them and they come back and say, "No way are we going to conquer them!  They are giants!  We are like little grasshoppers compared to them!"

There are just 2 out of the 12 that try to encourage the people to move on into the land that God is handing over to them - Joshua and Caleb.

What surprises me is that these ten guys were able to convince 600,000 soldiers that they will be swallowed up if they go there!  God has already promised them!!! It's their word versus God's!  ....and yet they believed the men. 

How often do I listen to my friends advise or lies from the enemy over God's promises?   Imagine the victory I would have conquering the "giants" in my life if I would just learn to turn to God and trust what He has to say. 

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Like Joyce Meyer says, "Instead of turning to the phone, we need to turn to the throne."  *smile*  I like that one.
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But, really now...how many more miracles do they need to witness first hand before they will finally trust that what God says is truth?  

So, they start weeping and wailing, complaining and making rash decisions - like going back to Egypt!  

...and God was MAD!  He asked Moses, "How long will they reject me?  I've done so many miracles for them!" 

Imagine how God must have felt.  When I read statements like that - God feeling regected, or God is grieved, or He's please -it makes me feel that much closer to knowing who He is. 

I love it.  Although, it makes me sad that He felt feels rejection from those He loves sooo much.     

I can relate.  I'm the mother of a teenager.  

At any rate, He's had enough and so He decides to destroy them...

...and Moses changed His mind. 

Moses reminded God that he made a promise.  He pleads with God to show His power once again so that generations to come will not be able to say, "The Lord was not able to bring them into the land He swore to give them." (14:16)

He even went so far as to quote God's very own words, saying, "Remember God??  You even said, 'The Lord is slow to anger and rich in unfailing love, forgiving every kind of sin and rebellion.'"(14:18)

However, he also recognized that He does not leave sin unpunished and told God as much.  

So, God pardons them.  But...(as a result of their rejection), He goes on to say, "Those living today, will NEVER see the promised land."   It is the next generation that He will lead into the promised land.

He declares the people of Israel, 20 years or older, will wander in the wilderness for 40 years and die there.  He also strikes dead the ten leaders that didn't have faith in the first place and convinced Israel to feel the same. 

Another lesson in this passage - My actions shouldn't be based on my feelings!  I need to learn, understand and live by God's promises and not my feelings!  Because my feelings and emotions change every minute of every day - as opposed to   God's promises.  They stand true.  Day after day.

You know, this is is the 3rd time I recall someone convincing God to change His mind which brings me to my third lesson in this passage of scripture - prayer.  

I think I have a lot to learn about my prayer life, and the manner in which I can and should approach God, from Moses in chapter 14: 5:19)  

• Have faith - "...he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us! ...They (the giants) have no protection, but the Lord is with US!  Don't be afraid of them!"
• Obey - "Do not rebel against the Lord..."
• Know His promises and what He's already done  - "...the power you displayed in rescuing these people from Egypt."
• Acknowledge His power  - "Please, Lord prove that you power is as great as you have claimed it to be."
• Quote scripture - "For you have said...".

This passage has been filled with some great lessons and revealing truths about who God is.  There are days that feel "extra" blessed to have access to His wonderfully amazing, living, Word, and today is one of them!

What? No power locks?

Numbers 8-12

Finally!  The Israelites are moving on to the promised land!  I just love how God guides them...as a cloud.  I can't imagine how they must have felt, after a year or so, the cloud lifts from the tabernacle and starts along it's journey....

How excited they must have been!  God, Himself, guiding them!!

But ooooh nooo.  They start to complain again.  It's not enough that God is providing shelter from the scorching desert sun (the cloud), and being the ultimate personal tour guide - complete with free meals (manna).  Noooo, they have to complain because they don't have meat to eat!

Even Moses is grumbling at this point, asking God to spare him the misery of carrying the burdens of everything.  He's so aggravated He asks God to kill him!

Reminds me of my old babysitting days.....

God, once again shows them His power.  He sends meat, he sends them quail.  Enough to feed them for a month!  600,000 soldiers, and their families.  

It was actually pretty funny the way God did it.  (Chapter 11:19,20) 

He said, (in my own words, however very close to His) "You want meat??  I'll give you meat..and it won't be for just a day or two, or for 5, 10 or even 20 days!!  You're going to eat it until you can't stand it anymore - you'll be gagging on it!!"

The bible says in verse 20 that God felt rejected.  Do I make God feel rejected?  The next time I go on and act like the Israelites (because I will), complaining, ungrateful, discontent, I need to realize what I am ultimately doing.  I'm rejecting God, and all He's done for me and given me. 

Who cares if I have to clean my safe, warm house, every single day?  So what if my sometimes, unreliable (second) car doesn't have power locks?  God has provided for me in ways that I didn't even have to ask for.  

And for that I am thankful, even if it means renewing my mind on a daily (or hourly) basis .

Cause I can be a bit forgetful at times.   

Where's Waldo?

Numbers 5-8

God spends a little time preparing the Israelites as they move into Canaan.  He knew the land was dominated by pagans and that His people would be influenced by them.  He demanded holiness, He wanted them to live in a completely different way....

He wanted them to stand out.

The "daily walk" bible explains by saying: "God's purpose is to insulate us from the influence of evil, not isolate us from the people to whom we can be a testimony."

Israel was to witness about the true God in the midst of corruption and they couldn't do that from the wilderness.  

I know I'm certainly not hiding in the wilderness - I'm not isolated.  But am I insulating myself as I rub shoulders with a decidedly impure world? 

And more importantly are the people around me influenced by my distinctive lifestyle?  or do I simply blend into the world around me....

Riddle me this....

Leviticus 21 - 27

In chapter 21:16-23, God commands Moses to tell Aaron that any descendants that have birth defects are disqualified from presenting offerings to God (being a priest).

What the heck?  I thought God was all about "equal opportunity"?  I don't understand that AT ALL.  First of all, these are physical defects He's talking about - blind, lame, hump back, etc. - it's not even their fault!

It's not even that they are mentally disabled.  They fully understand what's going on around them. 

Even the way it's worded troubles me, "No one who has a defect can come near to me..." (vs 18)

I know God is God.  He makes up the rules and He has reasons, I'm sure it has something to do with His holiness.

But it's those very people that Jesus is drawn to in the New Testament.  It's these very contradictions that confuse me.

I turn to God's word to find out more about Him, who He is and often times I end up with more questions!

...the end of book two.

I'm finishing the book of Exodus a different person then when I began. 

Before, Exodus was the book that would bring to a screeching halt, my New Year's resolution to "read my entire bible in a year". It was the book that went on and on and on about the same ol' thing.  It was a book of a far away God that seemed nothing like the Jesus I knew.

It was book that didn't apply to me.

In my quest to "journal through my bible" in hopes of finding out more about God and why He loves me so much (instead of taking everyone's word for it)  I knew I must trudge through Exodus, reminding myself that it's at least better than Leviticus and Numbers.  *Sigh*  I can't wait to get to the good stuff.  Bring on the Psalms.  Bring on the New Testament. 

What surprised me was that Exodus had transformed before my very eyes into a book filled with comfort, advise, encouragement and most of all it gave me what I am craving most - a glimpse of God.

Exodus changed me.  I've been a Christian since I was 12 years old (I'm now 30 something) and I've always tried sooo hard to please God so He'll love me more, or worse, feeling at the end of the day like I did nothing but disappoint him and made Him love me less.   I knew that wasn't true, at least I've been told that many times - through people, books...songs.  But I didn't get it.  You know?  It just didn't click.

Exodus was a light switch.  Seeing the way God responded to His people (that often reminded me of...me) made me realize that God loved them so, so much, just because.  He never gave up on them, never turned His back.  God loved them.  God loves us.  God. loves. me.   Light switch *click*   

He desperately wants me to love Him back.  He desperately wants to bless me, He wants to be my friend - He's passionate about me!!! 

BUT - He's still God.  And because He's God, He can not let sin go unpunished and THAT is why He made a way out for us.  That's why He sent Jesus. 

...and I'm soooooo glad He did because I really don't know if I could have offered animal sacrifices on a regular basis!  Yuck!  Ew!  Thank God, I don't have to find out!! 

Exodus isn't a boring ol' Testament book with a sole purpose of giving us rules and making us thankful we don't have to partake in animal sacrifice. 

It's a building block, a link, to the New Testament, the Gospel -God's perfect plan of Salvation and I can't wait to read it again.

A good friend, indeed!

Exodus 31 - 40

These closing chapters taught me even more about God's character and His relationship to me.

First, in Chapter 31 - I love how He talks about the gifts He's given people.  It says, "I have...given him great wisdom and skill in all kinds of crafts."  (vs 3) and "I have given special skill to all naturally talented craftsmen."     

Can you imagine being able to give someone a skill?  I've been pretty excited to give people gifts, to the point that I can hardly wait for them to open them!  Especially when I make a homemade gift.  But really, we're talking scrapbooks and hand wash from Bath and Body Works, here.  I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to point at someone and say..."I hear by give you the gift to sing songs like angels!"  Bam!  What power!!  

I just think it's awesome, and it shows how big God is.  He has a plan and He created and gifted everyone of us in a certain way to carry out His plan.  I just think that is so cool.

Another thing about God.  He changes His mind.  Moses asked Him to change His mind about His plans and God did!  (32:12-14) Good to know.

Later in that same chapter, He gets the Levites to kill those who "didn't go on the Lord's side."  What the heck?  Must say, having a hard time with that one.  I don't understand why God would do that.  I know He wants us to love Him above all else but I've always understood that there will be a time and place for judgement.  And making brother kill brother?  Father turn against son?  Ugh.  Three thousand were killed that day.  I know I may never understand why, I just have to trust that God had a reason.   

And really, when it comes right down it - He's God, and I'm not.  He doesn't have to explain anything to me.  That's where faith comes in, and trusting that God never gives us second best. 

Ok, this next verse is so funny to me.  I'm sure it wasn't funny to God, but it shows me a side of Him that sounds just like a parent.

 "...but I will not travel along with you.  If I did, I would be tempted to destroy you along the way."
 - Exodus 33:3

Ha!  Actually, I quite enjoy travelling with my kids but I have had the "pleasure" of travelling with other families and I quite understand God's frustration with them.  I'm sure he feels the same way with His children today...and with me.

He was faithful with them time and time again.  They complained, doubted, sinned and even made a new "god" to worship!  ...and yet He still wanted to keep His promise - to give them this wonderful land - flowing with milk and honey. 

He just couldn't bring Himself to travel along with them, or He might kill them!  Totally understandable. 

A few other verses that gave me more "peaks" into God's heart and how He feels about me.

33:14 - "I will personally go with you, I will give give you rest - everything will be fine for you."

33:17 - "....you are my friend."

34:14 - "for He is a God who is passionate about His relationship with you."

I always knew God loved me but it really feels awesome to hear Him say, "you are my friend and I am passionate about you."  

Not only that but He has the power to "give me rest and make everything fine!"

Now THAT'S a good friend to have!!

  

What kind of love?

Exodus 14-15

"Don't be afraid!  Just stand where you are and let the Lord rescue you."  - Ex 14:13 (Moses talking to the Israelites as Pharaoh's chariots are approaching)

Love it!!  Why am I always convinced that God is going to turn away from me or give me the "silent" treatment because I do something wrong, complain or doubt Him? 

Look at the Israelites!!  They were the "journeymen" of complainers and doubters!!  If you want to learn how to complain properly (if there is such a thing...and if it doesn't just come naturally to you as it does me...), just read the book of Exodus!  They are like a bunch of teenagers!  (Trust me, I live with one...I know!) 

...and yet time and time again, God was faithful to them. 

When I am I going to get it through my head that God loves me not because of something I've done or haven't done....but because of who He is?   He CAN'T not love me! 

No. matter. what. 

After He parted the Red Sea for a convenient escape, the Israelites sang a celebratory song proclaiming who He was and what He did.  (Chapter 15)

I always used to pass by these parts of my bible,  I have no idea why.  Now, I always use them to make lists.  I love making lists. 

When I begin to doubt that God can and will come through for me, I need to renew my mind with the truths from their song:

The Lord is:

• My victory
• My strength and my song
• A warrior
• Glorious in power
• Great and majestic
• Glorious and holy
• Awesome in splendor
• Unfailing love.

His actions:

• He has triumphed gloriously
• He has thrown horse and rider into the sea
• He has thrown Pharaoh's chariots and armies into the sea
• He dashed the enemy to pieces
• He overthrew those who rose against Him
• His anger flashed forth and consumed enemies like fire
• At the blast of His breath, waters piled up.
• He performs wonders
• He raised His hand and the earth swallowed our enemies
• He leads and guides His people
• He silences enemies, He melts them with fear and terror - dread overcomes them
• He plants His people on His mountain, to the place where His holiness dwells

THIS is who HE is and what HE does for His complaining, doubtful, and ungrateful children! 

What kind of love is this??   Certainly one that I want to receive more of.

...and give more of.